I want to share a personal (somewhat uncomfortable) love story with you.
When my husband and I were first dating, it was a situation I would have urged any friend to leave.
Our relationship started off with a bang! I’d just moved to San Diego and went out with him on a lark. From the very first date it seemed we’d been drawn together by cosmic forces. Magic filled our romance – dolphin sightings at the bay, dances under moonlight, and our special love songs playing everywhere.
Trouble was…his situation was “complicated.” He was in a long-term partnership–an “open relationship,” where both partners were dating multiple people. He and I would go out a couple times a week, and then he’d be home with his partner or out on other dates.
For some women, this would be a great arrangement. But for me, it was probably the most painful set up I could have haphazardly walked into. I was 36 years old and no longer wanted to be casually dating. I was definitely monogamous (not into the ‘open relationship’ thing) and longed to create a life with an amazing partner.
This man, though…. Deep down, I felt he was the one for me. Yet rationally it seemed obvious that things could never work for us.
As our relationship developed, there were many nights when I’d be home alone, completely stressed out, trying to get my mind off him and muster up the courage to end things so I could meet someone else.
This may sound dramatic, but it felt like my heart was being torn in two.
The situation appeared to be a total dead end. And yet, there was no denying I was too attached to leave. So I stayed, waiting – in between a rock and a hard place – unable to let go, unable to move forward.
Then one afternoon, something woke up inside of me and I made a decision that felt like freedom. It was the only decision it felt possible to make:
Change myself and pray the situation I was in would change too.
Before that time I’d generally agreed with the metaphysical idea that our outer world is a reflection of what’s happening inside of us. Except, I wasn’t living it as truth until that moment, when a leap of faith changed my life forever.
Here’s what I decided:
While I couldn’t control what the man I loved felt or did, and I couldn’t interfere in his life outside of our relationship, I could transform myself enough that one of two things would happen: Either I would gain the strength to walk away, or his dynamic would somehow shift to match my new healthier reality.
With the right healing tools in my arsenal and a deep determination to have healthy, lasting love in my life once and for all, I walked step-by-step into a new reality.
Every time I was upset about him and the situation, I’d turn my attention inward and get the support I needed to heal whatever was hurting in that moment. One time the pain would be around ‘feeling like I wasn’t worth staying around for,’ another time it was around ‘feeling like I’d be easily forgotten,’ another time it was around ‘feeling threatened by other women,’ and so on.
Over the months, I began transforming in huge and awesome ways. But not only that! To my surprise, with each session the world around me shifted like a wildly beautiful, living kaleidoscope.
My partner’s situation changed in ways I never expected. He and his partner decided to formally end what hadn’t been working for a long time. He went from pursuing other women to preferring a focused partnership with me, where we could encourage each other’s growth and build a home.
Three years later, we got married.
For the first time in my life, I now experience intimacy as being filled with kindness, respect, trust, stability and support. He’s someone I can count on, no matter what kind of crappy day I’ve had. He cares about how I feel, in a way that no one else ever has.
Our life together isn’t all roses. It’s real, with ups and downs and plenty of growing for both of us to do. But taking this journey with him is something I wouldn’t trade for the world.
I feel blessed to be with him and hope we’ll be together for many years.
Do you want to know something ironic, though?
The journey I took to get here really did change me. Whereas once I felt desperate for a partner and unsure whether anyone would truly want to be with me, I’m now confident that I’ve got what it takes to thrive in an intimate relationship. I feel (and receive) loving care and devotion from a man I respect.
Being in a solid relationship is one of the most rewarding journeys I’ve been on and creates a vital foundation for my life.
That’s why I’m dedicated to helping other women feel the same level of confidence in themselves and their relationships.
If you’re ready for true transformation like I was, you probably don’t want to waste time. You need a proven system and tools that really work. Through my own personal journey and over a decade of helping 500+ clients and students across the U.S., Europe, Africa and Canada, I developed a process that’s both effective and powerful.
It’s a huge joy to be able to share it.
If you’re ready to do what it takes for your relationships to reflect a more positive reality than it has so far, apply for your free 45-minute “Love Confidently” session with me today.
I retain just a few spots each month to speak with women who are referred to me from clients, friends, or colleagues.
Let’s make time work on your side so that you can have the love you’re wanting much sooner!