No matter how masterful we may be in different areas of our lives, we all get knocked off our game sometimes.
It may be a difficult conversation with our partner, a conflict with a friend, a financial challenge at work. (Or, a volatile political climate.)
We get triggered and stop thinking clearly. We begin acting from fear and we do everything we can to prevent our biggest worries from coming true.
Unfortunately, when acting from this space, it’s nearly impossible to be effective and have the positive impact we desire. In order to cultivate healthy lives and communities, we need to stay clear and connected with our strong inner core.
So here are three steps to help you reconnect with your center and regain your own potency – no matter what the challenge.
Stuck or unexpressed energy will keep you spinning or weigh on you enough to make you feel apathetic. If you aren’t thinking clearly and don’t feel you can be your best self, that’s a sign that old energy and emotions are active. You’ll want to help that energy move through your system so it can be released or transformed.
If the intense energy inside you is from a smaller and/or newer stress, it can likely be cleared by talking to a trusted confidant, writing, drumming or moving your body (anything from ecstatic dance to hiking). Larger and/or older hurts and traumas may need a more formal therapy session with a body-centered technique like Hakomi, Somatic Experiencing (SE), Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), Feldenkrais, or even Re-Evaluation Counseling (RC).
Moving old or agitated energy from your system is the first step towards being able to respond to current situations in a present, calm way.
PULL YOUR ATTENTION INWARD
One of the most common ways we lose power is by focusing on other people’s actions and/or on outside circumstances – both of which are totally out of our control. Instead, if we bring our attention back to ourselves, where we have the most influence, we’ll not only feel stronger but we’ll be able to address our legitimate needs for support, healing, protection, or whatever else the situation might be calling for.
Here are some questions to ask that can help you shift your focus:
What am I really feeling?
What does this situation now remind me of?
When have I felt this way before? (Try to go back as early as you can remember)
What am I truly longing for? How can I give some of that to myself?
No matter how different the current circumstances may outwardly appear from anything you’ve gone through in the past, this is probably not the first time you’ve had these feelings of fear, frustration, grief, anger, helplessness, and so on.
In my experience, we resonate the most (pay most attention to) circumstances and people that help us re-experience our limiting inner realities. By revisiting the emotions with new insight, we have an opportunity to make peace with past events that may have overwhelmed or hurt us – and finally become free to experience a new reality.
I’ve seen it time and again with my clients. They come to me fed up and tired of the same old story playing out in their relationships, their career, or whatever the case may be. Then after we address the underlying cause, their life begins to gracefully shift.
CALL IN YOUR TEAM
Nothing weakens the spirit as much as isolation.
We’re all born with a deep need to belong – our survival as children actually depends on it. So if we imagine that we’ll be shut out of our group on account of saying or doing the wrong thing, it can really trigger all sorts of survival instincts, worst case thinking and desperate strategies.
Recent studies done on resiliency show that the majority of successful adults who went through extreme challenges as children all claim that they had at least one supportive person in their lives who believed in them and had their back. That’s the power of connection.
If you’re struggling with a sense of helplessness or confusion in your life, you may notice that you’ve also been feeling somewhat alone. It’s very difficult to think and act from a position of clarity or strength when you feel that way.
So begin aligning yourself with allies of your own choosing.
Who do you want on your team? Who would root for you to win right now?
Go ahead and assemble your supporters. You can begin by brainstorming a list of everyone who has ever encouraged you or had your back (living or passed on). People on your list might include your 4th grade teacher, a favorite cousin, your mom, a good friend, your therapist, and so on. Depending on your spiritual beliefs, you might also add to that list an ancestor, Mother Mary, your guardian angel, etc.
When you have two or three solid supporters written down, try sitting quietly for about ten minutes and imagine these individuals joining you one-by-one. Just start to feel their presence as though they are now standing behind you or at your side. Once everyone is there and you’ve anchored in a very definite sense that you are part of a united front, allow yourself to really soak in the experience.
A heightened awareness of loving, supportive connections around you will help you move forward more calmly in situations that feel scary or destabilizing.
So, the next time you’ve lost your natural sense of power, try these three steps. The results may be immediate or they may take a couple of days, but you will begin to feel better:
First: MOVE ENERGY
Second: PULL YOUR ATTENTION INWARD
Third: CALL IN YOUR TEAM
Leave a comment and let me know how these work for you! I’d love to hear your experiences.